blood in the marrow
by Suk-fong
Summary: This man is dangerous. There is something wrong about him; unsettled, poised like a viper only too drunk to remember it's venom.


disclaimer: disclaimed.  
notes: Also this was all her prompt. SO...CAREERS  
dedicated: sabaceanbabe HAPPY BIRTHDAY  
ship: Gloss/girl  
title: blood in the marrow  
summary: This man is dangerous. There is something wrong about him; unsettled, poised like a viper only too drunk to remember it's venom.

* * *

Later you will say you don't remember your Victory Tour. They will believe you, because your tour was a disaster, a vacant face of a drowning girl in front of a microphone unable to focus, hyperventilating, staring at the lights than the whites of their eyes because you curled your hands into claws and gouged that boy from Two's eyes out.

Who would want to remember that tour?

You do.

You do and you commit every face, every scent, every person to detail. You're still in the Game, oh so very much because Cashmere was there in One, who held your hand and brushed your hair, when you screamed so loudly into a pillow you thought you could smother yourself to make it all stop.

They make you meet the parents of the people you killed. The boy who you drowned, the girl who died because she couldn't swim, the kid who was only fourteen and had a broken leg from the earthquake so when you flooded the arena there was no chance. They hate you and you don't mind it.

You thought you would.

Hell you thought you were going to die. You decided you would let Reid win-he was so young and his head just fell off.

Well no, not just fell off.

Hacked off. It took sixteen times to slice with a blunter, weathered sword to get Reid's head off. Hacked off like a bad butcher.

You thought they taught cruelty in Two.

* * *

They don't; you asked Brutus after dinner when he made you green tea and taught you the stretches and poses to help calm yourself.

They teach how detach yourself from the body, to make it hurt less, to go about what has to be done as efficient as you can with your soul still in tacked. They understand violence and gore is art of the Games and they do not shy away.

It's survival.

You don't like the Districts that aren't Careers-they look at you like you're a monster and they hate you because you've known how to fight since you were five.

Career-they say it with sneers, like it lessens you; you're not human to them. How is it your fault you were born in a Career district, where there's no use of pretending you won't get Reaped. Where is the fault in giving every child a fighting chance?

Careers at least, when they kill can make it quick. Nothing worse than an uneducated miner trying to hack someone and missing an artery leaving them to rot from the inside.

You might not like to kill-and you don't, but you're not unknowingly cruel.

You're a survivor, a Victor and they call you murderer, monster.

* * *

Wiress is the one who finds you in a puddle in the shower, red water turning brown as the blood dies on your arms and your nightdress.

It's a monster skin you wear now, sold your soul for your life or something like that and if you had a chance you'd do it all over again.

You don't know what death is like, don't want to find out. You would kill to keep your heartbeating and you did and you don't regret it, not really, not deep down and you know you're supposed to.

You're supposed to because you're human, you're young, you didn't want to die and you were in the Games. It's okay to kill then, because it's survival. You're supposed to be upset, you're supposed to mourn.

But you don't.

Because it's them or it's you and you won't die for anyone.

_(You tried for Reid-look how that turned out.)_

* * *

In the Capitol, Gloss is the one who makes sure you're still eating and he takes you to the roof tops, and around.

He tells you he knew a girl like you once, so very smart and clever; he didn't see her until he was on his back. He talks about that girl in a quiet voice, one that is full of wishes and could have beens.

You don't ask about what happened to her.

Career Victors don't have families, don't get married. It's too dangerous. The stress, the training, the fact they can still walk into a room and calculate the biggest threat and how to get rid of them.

It's different you know for those from the other districts; they're not popular, they're weathered and odd and they are interesting to look at but from a ways away, like cattle. The Capitol doesn't care if those Victors marry or have children.

* * *

You meet Haymitch, the surviving Victor from District Twelve when he is drunk. But from what everyone says, he is never not drunk. It would be more remarkable if we were sober, or if he remembered your name.

Instead he looks past you, to the bottle, like you are lint and you think you prefer that.

This man is dangerous. There is something wrong about him; unsettled, poised like a viper only too drunk to remember it's venom.

No-if you are a sea serpent, deep underwater, unnoticed before striking; he is something all too different. Unnatural.

He will bring death and danger and you don't know how, you keep your distance.

* * *

_(you will find out later that all the Career Victors keep their distance from him. He is dangerous and they do not want to die for his cause. It is not them who want the rebellion)_

* * *

Beetee shows you his labs; he tells you of the work he does. He likes to think, like you. He likes puzzles and riddles and you spend an afternoon trying to trap him while evading his traps.

It's fun.

You like him because he is calm and steady and he doesn't seem scary, but he is.

You know there's nothing scarier than a smart person because they will always be thinking.

* * *

Mags is with you the entire trip, but she is in the background. She can protect you but you know the best protection is being forgotten.

You need to slip from the forefront of everyone's mind to the back; you need to be forgettable.

And weak is what they see.

So weak you are-and well it's not exactly acing because you don't really like people in general, but also you are overwhelmed because there are so many…things and people and heartbeats and emotions.

There is too much and you feel like you're drowning.

But you're from District Four, and you know how to swim.

* * *

You see Finnick twice in the whole tour; the first time he is smirking at you holding a cup of something like it's a lover, congratulating you on a tour well done, and you can feel the mocking in his voice.

The second time is from a video feed President Snow makes you watch where Finnick is getting fucked up the ass by a large man, and President Snow tells you what you have won.


End file.
